• Tantra, monogamy and safe sex

    I have had several conversations with two of my children recently about both rape and monogamy. I have in recent months been giving out a sheet to new clients giving an overview of tantra and sex, so thought I would copy part of it here.

    With regard the discussion I had with my son, who is a detective inspector in the police force, with regard rape, he has seen examples of actual rape and of men being falsly acccused after a woman who has willingly partaken, has then had second thoughts and cried rape. There is then the situation where, as I saw on sex study a little while ago, that many males seem to think these daysis that when a woman says 'No' she means 'Yes' and if she says 'Yes' she means 'Anal'.

    The attitudes towards sex have changed since the 60's and there are now many women who feel that they are 'sexually liberated' and with the availability of the pill, have lost the fear of an unwanted pregnancy and happily jump into bed with complete strangers. However, women connect emotionally when they have sex. Due to the polarities of the chakras a womans heart centre is her positive pole and is opened when she has sex. A man has his positive pole at his lingam, so is much more able to have sex without any emotional connection, which is perhaps why many women cry rape, when they later realise that for the man it was just a one night stand. As a woman takes a man inside of her, her yoni also holds on to some of the energy of every man she sleeps with, unless she is aware of energy cleansing exercises to return her to her vaginal state, as the temple goddesses used to do.

    If we were all taught about energy and how it can affect our sexual experience and the fact that much more pleasure is available to us than most people experience through conventional sex, we would perhaps have less incidences or rape and sexually transmitted dieases.

    So, to my overview of tantra:

    Tantra is a spiritual pathway to enlightenment. It is a pathway that unlike most spiritual pathways recognises us as sexual beings. Our sexual energy IS our life force energy.

    It is said that a tantric sexual relationship helps to speed the pathway to enlightenment, but it is a pathway that can be taken on own’s own.

    Contrary to much of the information available with regard tantra – it is not about casual sex, orgies or group sex – it is not about BDSM.

    A tantric sexual relationship is a committed relationship between two people, with the intention of healing wounds and becoming the best self that you can be, to show to the world.

    The intimate connection strengthens and develops within the relationship and moves you more quickly towards enlightenment.

    The sexual aspect is a small part. It is a way of life. It is about love and respect for self, for all beings and for the earth we live on.

    There are three types of sex.

    The first is, unfortunately, something that seems to be taking place regularly and is harmful to the individual and to our evolutionary growth. It is taking us backward and not forward. It is mindless sex, often with a complete stranger, often under the influence of alcohol or drugs and has the sole intention of ‘getting off’. There is no connection. It is a selfish act with no respect for self or the other party.

    The second is the type that takes places in a committed relationship, some connection has been made, because of an initial flush of hormones, it can start off steamy and hot but at some point, loses its excitement. They either lose interest altogether or look to outside sources to add spice, with affairs, toys, fantasies etc.

    The third is conscious sex. Tantric sex. The intention is to bring sacredness to sex. The intention is to heal and to grow as an individual. Our individual vibration rises which positively impacts the evolution of the earth.

    A tantric orgasm is very different from a conventional. A conventional orgasm tends to be a tension release. A short sharp shock that closes a man’s energy down – most often you want to turn over and fall asleep. A tantric orgasm comes from a place of relaxation. It tends to be a more fully body experience that lasts longer but is more subtle in nature. The most important thing is that it does not close a man’s energy down in the same way.

    Tantric men learn to control their ejaculation, separating it from the orgasm, as they believe that when they ejaculate they give away their own life force energy. When the ejaculation is controlled, multiple orgasms can occur, likes waves on the sea, the energy can ebb and flow and they can continue with the love making as long as they choose.

    Time is made for tantric lovemaking. The room is prepared in a way to delight the senses, to bring sacredness to the occasion, fabrics, colours, scents and candles.

    Tantric sex is about being in each other’s energy. We have become human doings and not human beings and when we feel or think we need to be doing something we interfere with the natural energy flow.

    In tantric sex, there is no goal. The need to orgasm is not important. It is about enjoying the journey.

    Tantric sex is not rushed.

    It is a dance between the two. You cannot fully appreciate the sensations you are experiencing if your mind is thinking about what you should be giving. Each takes it in turn to pleasure their partner with touch. The touch is slow with long movements. The focus is entirely on the recipient, of honouring and worshipping their body.

    Tantric sex uses the energies of the universe, we become one with our partner and the universe.

    The following written by Al Link and Pala Copeland - tantirc teachers - reiterates my points.

    he concern about safe sex has resulted in a revival of monogamy. But there is no turning back the clock. Sex is out of the closet since the free love days of the sixties. The problem with monogamy has always been boredom. The initial passion drops off pretty rapidly in a typical relationship, but not the lust of sexual desire. Eventually, the right (or wrong) set of circumstances come together and you have infidelity. It’s not that people are bad, they are just human.

    To be human is to be in a body. To be in a body is to be sexual. For men being sexual means they sometimes think with what is between their legs instead of what is inside their head. But a man’s penis is single minded , ruthless and often as not, amoral. A penis knows only desire, and when the hot sexual energy is active, you might as well be dealing with an addict. At such a moment all a man can think of is how to get the next fix. At such times there are few men alive who can resist the inviting smile on a pretty woman’s face, or the parting of her legs.

    Fortunately we now have Sacred Sex. Actually, Tantra has been around for thousands of years. There are those who have learned that the best sex, the kind that makes the Earth shake and the Cosmos split open, sometimes transporting the lovers right our of their bodies, is energy sex, not just friction between two people.

    Tantra Sacred Sex is high energy sex. Once you have learned the practices of Sacred Sex, sex could never again become boring. This is how you keep monogamy hot. This is how you keep your lover happy at home. Sacred Sex is not your standard roll in the hay.

    Sacred Sex is an art and a way of life. It involves considerable skill. Skill requires practice, and right practice leads to mastery. Mastery translates into mutual satisfaction, through and through, for both Sacred Sex partners. With Sacred Sex, every encounter is unique, new, exciting, mysterious and sometimes awesome.

    With sacred high-energy sex, lovemaking can last many hours. As the hot sexual energy builds up and the lovers learn to circulate it through their bodies, they awaken their higher spiritual centers. Various degrees of satori become available. Anyone who has ever experienced even the lower states of satori will need no convincing that by comparison, ordinary happiness is, well, just ordinary.

    At first the disciplined learning of the physical practices of Sacred Sex will often feel awkward, uncomfortable, and possibly scary. There almost always is a period of such frustration that the learner wants to conclude, “This doesn’t work. I can’t do it. This is too hard.” They want to quit. But with persistence and some small FAITH, they experience a breakthrough. Perhaps they suddenly “get it.” When you “get it” what seemed ridiculously complex, and impossibly difficult, becomes easy, like riding a bike. Once you can do it, you can always do it. You never forget.

    The physical techniques involved include muscle contraction exercises (the cranial and sacral pumps), breathing techniques, learning to stay relaxed under the influence of intense sexual stimulation, and learning to stay fully present in the moment. You have to keep your attention in the same place for more than a few seconds. It helps if you throw in some knowledge of the man’s prostate gland, a bit of acupressure to help move blocked energy, and emotional release techniques to unlock feelings. If you also add in a healthy dose of respect, lots of playfulness, a bit of surrender and letting go, your life will never be the same. Men won’t need Viagra any time soon - guaranteed.

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