• The Emotionally Absent Mother

    Anyone reading this who have been lucky enough to experience a loving childhood, will not be able to resonate with what I am saying.

    Many of you might have found the last two weeks to be uncomfortable, as the eclipse of both the sun and the moon in a short space of time, together with many of the planets going retrograde, has brought things from the past to the surface for healing.

    Healing from a difficult experience is usually cyclical, in that we can think that we have healed, but a while later we are hit again. Some people say it is like layers of an onion. I like to think of it in a different way. If you imagine that your life is like climbing a ladder, with our birth being represented by the base of the ladder. The bottom of the ladder is in darkness, representing the emotional baggage that we need to heal from. As we learn and grow and climb higher up the ladder we move towards the light. Enlightenment.

    When we are on the bottom rung of the ladder, the ground will look very different from what we see when standing on the tenth rung.

    I think healing is like climbing the ladder and that we need to heal each piece of baggage with the different perspective brought to us from the learning and understanding that we have already experienced.

    So, as with everyone who is living a life, I am still working on my own healing and this week has been one of the more challenging. I have concluded that it is perhaps easier for a child to lose a mother to death, that to live with one who is physically present but emotionally unavailable. By child, I am referring to someone of any age. When a person loses their mother to death, it can be very difficult to make the adjustment, but most people work through their grief and time is a great healer. When you have amother that is still here physically but is emotionally absent, there is hope that maybe, just maybe they will see you and become the mother that you need and want, but every hope is dashed and the loss is grieved in a continuous cycle.

    I find it hard because I am unable to share my experiences with my children. I was determined to give my children a different experience from my own. My adult children, so far, seem unable to understand my expereinces because I am their rock, the one person that they know loves them unconditionally and is always there for them, to do what I can to encourage and support, when needed. Although, I brought them up to be independent and follow their own inner guidance. They are adults with busy lives and live away so the time we do get together isprecious.

    I was advised many years ago to break away from my parents for my own good. I chose not to do this as I believe that we choose our parents. The ones that are most likely to give us the experiences that we have chosen in order to learn. I am not entirely sure that I have worked out the exact reasons I chose my parents and my life experience, but I know that I wouldnt be the person that I am today without them.

    I have found myself asking a lot in the last couple of months 'what would Jesus do now' - that might seem a strange question, but it can be hard to keep giving and attempting to connect when it is thrown back at you. The easy option would be to walk away, but I think Jesus would continue to offer his uncondiotnal love and support when needed and let go of all the hurts. So, my point in writing this, is to say I do practice what I teach and there are times when I feel like one of those toys that bounce back when you knock them over and on occasion wonder whether it has been one knock too many, but I also believe that we are never given more than we can actually cope with and I do bounce back, hopefully with more learning, more understanding and more wisdom.

    When my father died, he thanked me for the love and mercy that I had shown him. At the time I found the word mercy a strange choice. I have since come to understand that. Maybe one day I will write a book about my experiences, even if only for my children.

    I have no doubts that my spiritual practices have helped me in my life.



  • Testicular Pain

    Testicular Pain and Achy Ball Syndrome

    Pain in your testicles can really make you suffer!

    Testicular pain can come from different causes such as epididymitis, or Orchitis, or after effects of a surgery.

    But, it can also come when there is no medical disease at all. This is commonly referred to as: Achy Ball Syndrome.

    When Your Doctor Tells You "There Is Nothing Wrong"

    It's really scary too, because your doctor will examine you and usually tell you there is nothing wrong with you. He may even do extensive testing and put quite a dent in your wallet. And, then he tells you "the good news is, that nothing is wrong with you."

    AND, the pain in your testicles can be excruciating! And, chronic.

    What Might Be Causing Your Pain

    Chronic testicular pain can be caused by a serious disease. But, it is more often caused by:

    too much sitting

    lack of exercise

    a big fat stomach

    sitting with your legs crossed

    tight pants

    tight underwear

    horseback riding...

    And, bicycle seats can cause you more pain than anything! They can crush and smash the nerves in your perineum. This can cause you not only testicular pain, but also intense chronic pain in your male gland, penis, lower back or lower abdomen. And, you'll never even see a bruise!

    Anything that irritates, squeezes, or cuts off the circulation to your testicles, penis, prostate or perineum can cause testicular pain or achy ball syndrome.

    Solving The Mystery

    The first thing you need to do is become aware of your daily habits. What are you doing that's causing the problem? There is a cause. When you locate it and eliminate it, the pain will disappear.

    The cause can seem a mystery because we all do things like: wear tight clothing, sit too much, ride bicycles, sleep with our legs crossed, sit with our legs crossed, etc...

    Any man can develop this problem. Men who sit a lot during the day seem to suffer most. Truck drivers often get. Office workers, also have high incidence of it.

    So the first thing you'll need to do is keep an eye on what's going on down there throughout the day and even when you go to sleep. Do you squash, squeeze, or put pressure on your testicles for any length of time? You'll probably be surprised to find that you do.

    And, here's why you usually don't realize the source of your problem. The squeezing doesn't have to be a painful squeeze. It can be mild.

    But a constant, regular squeezing of your testicles or the surrounding areas can cut the circulation. This can result in chronic "mysterious" testicular pain.

    This is because the circulation gets reduced to a point where the testicles start to suffocate, or strangulate.

    It can also happen if you have tight anal muscles from tension, sitting, or worrying. The anal peripheral massage can really loosen up those muscles and help get the blood flowing again.

    This Is What Usually Causes The Pain

    Let's look at a similar situation: When your foot "falls asleep" the same thing that causes testicular pain is happening. Only it is happening to your foot.

    The circulation has been reduced beyond a livable level. Your foot actually starts to suffocate from strangulation. The sensations in your foot can vary from numbness and a sand-like tingling feeling to intense pain and the inability to move your foot. The foot is suffocating.

    The testicles always seem to produce pain. And to get your attention, they often seem to scream with pain!

    A small squeeze here and there won't hurt your testicles or cause you any real testicular pain.

    But, continually squeezing them or cutting off the circulation to them can have you in agony. And you don't know why.

    The really good news is that once you get the circulation normalized, the pain disappears.

    If you have had chronic pain for a long time it may also take time for the tissues to heal before your pain is fully gone. Some men find great relief after only one massage.

    The Benefits You Can Get from Correct Massaging

    So, examine your daily habits for a few days. See where you are causing the pressure and possibly cutting off the circulation.

    To get the blood moving again there is nothing better than the prostate massages: the external massage, the peripheral massage, and the anal massage. Also massaging your perineum is important.

    Always massage thoroughly, but gently. Deep hard massage will only aggravate things. 5 minutes probably won't do the trick. 30-45 minutes is not too much.

    The anal technique is one that most men are hesitant to try and yet it is often one of the most effective.

    Why It Never Hurts To Touch Healthy Tissue

    You may find a lot of soreness in these areas when you work on them. The soreness indicates a lack of circulation. Healthy tissue with good circulation is never sore to the touch.

    As you regularly work on these areas you will feel the soreness decrease. And, as the soreness decreases your circulation improves. As your circulation improves, notice how your testicular pain vanishes.

    These "body working" techniques will also improve the circulation not just to your testicles, but to all your sexual equipment.

    Also, the sitz bath has worked wonders for getting some immediate pain relief. The sitz bath is an amazing way to bring increased circulation and relaxation to your entire sexual area immediately.

    There Are Stubborn Cases

    Sometimes there is so much tension in the surrounding muscles that the muscle lock up. In other words, they stay tense. Even when you sleep. You may have experienced this in the muscles between your shoulders. You don't really know then tension is there until some kind person at the office gives you a little shoulder massage and it hurts like crazy!

    The same thing happens around your male gland and testicles. Tight muscles cut the flow of blood and cause pain.

    If you use these massages regularly, all the muscles in your sexual region will eventually relax and have improved circulation. But, sometimes you must be persistent.

    You Can

    Get Rid Of Your Testicular Pain

    Testicular pain can come from a serious disease. So, a check up is always in order. But, most often, testicular pain is simply caused by the poor circulation and testicular strangulation (suffocation) we cause with our common modern living habits.

    If you are like most men, correct massage and returning the blood circulation to normal (as well as staying off bicycle seats) can usually eliminate your testicular pain.



  • My mother's cancer

    Thank you to all those who sent messages of support following my last blog post.

    It has been a busy few weeks. My mother had an operation to remove cancerous tumours from her breast and lymph nodes. The operation went well and I collected her early the next day from the hospital. However, later that afternoon she decided to check her mail and put the rubbish into the recycling bin. I had been checking on her regularly but was trying to finish decorating the utitlity room in her new home and she managed to sneak past me. I heard a noise and found her flat out on the garden path, with blood pouring from a number of places.

    I was more concerned about the operation site, although she perhaps subconsciouly tried to protect that side of her body, but we ended up back at the hospital as she was obviously suffering from concussion. LAter that evening she was transferred from Kings Lynn to Norwich as it was discovered followng a scan that she had broken an ocular bone. Her face was a very bruised and swollen and her eye very quickly closed up completely. She looked as though she had been in the boxing ring.

    So what could have been a speedy recovery was delayed rather and we now have numerous trips to norwich hospital to determine whether they think an operation is required on her face. My sense is that they will decide this is not necessary, but it was too swollen last week, for them to operate, as we had been led to believe when the transfer was made.

    The paramedics were amazing, however I am far from impressed by the whole NHS experience. We were the 13th ambulance to arrive outside Kings Lynn hospital. There were no more amublances available to go out and calls. The team that came to my mother had been diverted from a previous call. There were people waiting in all the ambulances to be seen by the hospital. The paramedic told me that he had sat in the ambulance for five hours before now and three is a regular occurence. It is no wonder they find themselves abused when peoples emotions are heightened sitting with their loved ones in pain or distress.

    My mother was bumped up the waiting list due to her operation the previous day and the head injury. However we were left in a corridor for some time.

    Throughout the whole experience with the cancer operation and the accident, the total lack of organisation was very clear. Every person said something different. Noone knew what medications my mother had been given or what the plan was. It is really very worrying. It is a good job that the surgeon marked her with an arrow to indicate the correct breast. I have heard that there have been people who have had the wrong limb operated on.

    We found out last Thursday that they are happy that they have removed all of the cancer cells, however, in spite of being 82, they still want to follow this up with daily radiotherapy at Adenbrookes hospital. It seems they are unable to look at the individual. This is the procedure they follow. The nurse did not like it all when I questioned the element of choice. However, as I have said previously my mother and I have very different views on health matters and she will not question anything a doctor says to her. I have discussed this with various people all of whom agree that the cons far outweigh any pro for a woman of my mothers age, but we all have the freedom to make our own choices.

    I found it very interesting that in spite of all the money that is poured into cancer charities, nobody seems to question it, from a natural point of view and it is all about finding drugs to cure.

    Metaphysically cancer of the breast is about mothering and nurturing. The left breast with regard mothering of children and the right breast related to your own mother. My mothers was in the left.

    I believe that our body is a tool to indicate to us when we have moved out of alignment with our pathway or to consider our thoughts and beliefs around a particular situation or emotion.

    Tantra is a journey of self exploration and discovery. Recognising that our experiences are a teaching tool.



  • Appointments

    I am just writing as a warning that my appointments over the next few weeks may be a little more limited than usual.

    In the process of renovating a bungalow for my mother to move to, she has discovered that she has cancer. Unfortunately she does not share my health and healing beliefs and is currently waiting following a series of tests as to what the doctors treatment plan is, but I believe that it will begin with an operation to remove the tumours. She has not wanted me to attend any appointments with her, but she might want some assistance following the operation.

    I will update my bookings calendar as I know the situation.



  • Homeless

    My mother is currently in the process of moving home and I have been using my interior design and DIY abilities to make it lovely for her.

    Last week I was sewing three large pairs of curtains and was looking on the tv for something to have on whilst doing so. It is amazing with so many options available these days that I struggle to find anything of interest.

    I came across a series, I think that it was called 'Rich Kids Go Homeless'. Five young people born into very wealthy families, had their belongings taken away from them and went to live on the streets of London for three nights. They all began with the attitude that the homeless were lazy and didnt want to work and that with their own work ethics they could easily get themselves off the streets. However, they all ended their experience with a very different attitude. Many of the homeless do not have any form of identity and as a result, even if they have money they cannot book themselves into a hostel for the night and without an address cannot get a job.

    There may well be some people who would choose to be a victim and stay in the situation, but many just feel helpless to get out of it. One man featured, around the age of 50, did actually have a job and had not informed his employers he was now homeless. He had had a flat, but due to a payrise because his work had been appreciated, he lost his housing benefit and was then unable to afford to continue paying his rent. How can that be right?

    It seems to me that we are currently in a state where our society is worse than it was in the Victorian era when the poorhouses were available to people who fell on hard times.

    In this day and age, how can we think it is OK that anyone is hungry or living and dying on the streets.

    Surely we should be providing, even if in a dormitory setting, a bed and food for anyone who needs it and providing care and support in helping them to improve their situation. An ID of some sort, a postal address maybe.

    I wish that I knew of a way of helping to change the situation.



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